i don't like say good-bye to people, and i don't like saying good-bye to places.
it is 3:40 in the morning and i am waiting for my taxi to charles de gaulle, which will be leading me to tel aviv by way of rome. i am sitting on the floor of my empty living room wearing my big yellow rain-boots because they weigh 3kg and i could not fit them in my suitcase. it is not raining.
i didn't know what to do for my last night here and felt overwhelmed with the significance of it so instead i stayed home to finish packing, cleaning, and to watch "teen wolf" on netflix instant watch. i also ordered sushi on the internet from the restaurant down the block and had it delivered to my door. i didn't have to wear shoes until just now, which is good, because i would have been wearing big yellow rain boots, and it is not raining.
unfortunately i will remember this night forever. future-me will yell at now-me for being lazy and not going to some club or bar or even just sitting alone in some cafe drinking coffee until it closes just so that i can "be in paris" for the "last time," but i spent plenty of time doing that this semester. it wont be the latest or most expensive or decadent nights that i remember here, nor will it be the best pain au chocolat or the cheapest petit cafe noir or the cutest french boy on a bicycle who almost ran me over-- rather, i miss the quotidienne, the walking past the louvre on the way to buy tea; the eating crudites and sketching couples every tuesday in the pompidou courtyard, because why not; the quick jacket-less trips to the boulangerie downstairs to grabs a croque monsieur or chausson aux pommes before doing homework; the architecture of the apartments lining every street; the red, triangular tabac signs that crowd every street; the sidewalks littered with dog feces (or maybe not this one); the difficulty of procuring a taxi past 2am, and the satisfaction of being able to walk home from wherever you are.
paris changed me, but not at all in the way i expected. i thought i would come back "cultured" and maybe "egotistical" or "with a superiority complex", but instead i have learned how to feel comfortable blending in. in paris, you are anonymous. oberlin is an insular community where everyone knows who you are, which creates the delusion that they
care who you are or are watching you, which maybe they are or aren't, but i thought they were. paris has taught me how to remain comfortably subtle, to not draw too much attention to yourself. to appreciate that cooking a good meal with friends is infinitely more valuable than buying the bar out a a club. i don't know. my taxi is here. i am going to tel aviv.
ne m'oubliez pas, paris.
